i feel like there's a trend i'm seeing, esp in online queer spaces, of being, like, oddly against the idea of people being attracted to each other
like I've been seeing the word “sexualization” tossed around to mean sexual attraction and framed as a bad and disrespectful, bordering on nonconsensual, thing.
recently in a sapphic group I’m in, a teenage lesbian mentioned that she’s attracted to her friend and and keeps getting distracted by her boobs. she was immediately dragged by dozens of grown ass adults telling her this was gross and inappropriate
it would have been one thing to tell her not to stare (she already wasn’t tho tbh), but the general gist of the comments was that seeing someone’s body and feeling attraction is *inherently* inappropriate and unethical
it’s totally fine to be attracted to someone. and you know what, a lot of people like boobs and that’s also fine
basically i just keep seeing stuff cropping up in the queer community with the message that sexual (and i guess now romantic?) desire is bad
and that’s uhhh what’s the word, fucked
on the other hand people are chill with tinder and hooking up and there are a ton of “normalize having sex with your friends!!” posts
people are cool with sex but they are not ok with desire
tinder, i think, feels fine because it’s really not about attraction. it’s about fulfilling a general need for sex and isn’t about the person at all.
being attracted to someone, though — looking at or thinking about a specific person who’s already in your life and wanting to have sex with them — that’s what it seems a lot of people aren’t ok with
there’s a level on which i get it. the person is just existing, they didn’t specifically and intentionally put themselves in a space for sexuality like tinder
but, y’all.
this is how attraction works. you spend time with people, you do things alongside them, you get to know them… and maybe you start thinking they’re hot. maybe you want to fuck them or kiss them. this is literally so totally fucking fine.
the thing that’s disrespectful is when you actually do shitty stuff! don’t say vulgar things to them. respect their boundaries. don’t make them uncomfortable. if you approach them for sex or dating and they say no, accept that. etc
but there’s literally nothing wrong with wanting to fuck someone or wanting to date someone.
